Saturday, April 01, 2006
The Fool Card
I had just learned this morning that the body of my cousin has finally come home.It had been about four or five years ago that I heard Erica had "gone up to the mountains" with her elder brother. "gone up to the mountains", that statement enough was already sopping with euphemism. They said she had gone up "for what she believed in", that she would remain there for the country's good. I wasn't sure how she would manage to do that, but well, it was her decision. If she had a clear enough idea of how she'd actually do it, enough to act on it, then that was something to respect.
she went up with her kuya and their other comrades. a few years later, Kuya, came down, wife and child in tow, and quite wuillingly settled into a cosmopolitan life in these here city lowlands. he now handles human Resources for a call center company in Eastwood.
Erica never came down. Well, she did a few times, whenever her comrades would visit their families, stock up supplies, and head up again. she had looked well then; she hhad lost most of her baby fat, she had more freckles on her face, and she had cut her hair boyishly short. no, she wasn't gay; no, she wasn't pregnant, and she was perfectly happy up there, mom. Just missed the family a lot, but it was a sacrifice.
Whenever Erica wasn't around and I needed a place to crash for my late Theater rehearsal evenings, Auntie Molly (that's be Erica's mom) would willingly take me in for the night. She said it made her feel good, watching me sleep in Erica's space, for a momment feeling as if Erica was back home and safe.
Now, Erica is gone. Erica is home.
It had been the morning on the day before yesterday that I recieved word Auntie Molly and another aunt had gone off somewhere far to look for the body. Yesterday, they did find it. I never asked what did the body look like or how she died, fearing the memory might have been too painful. i can only hope Erica didn't die of beating, or bullets, or other worse things politics and force can do to dreamers.
This afternoon, Erica will be cremated in Arlington. We say goodbye, and perhaps Aunti Molly might toss her back into the river, or keep her at home.
Erica had died on her father's birthday. Uncle Dinjo, her dad, passed away ahead of all of them. Perhaps Uncle Dinjo cam to pick her up. She also died on her her eldest sister's, Selena's, birthday. I can only hope selena, Auntie Molly, and the whole family remain strong and supportive to each other in this sad time.
today is April Fool's Day. a cruel joke, perhaps, but as Tarot cards go, there's always a better side to symbols, no matter how sad things are. Perhaps the Fool today means a leap of faith, complete trust and surrender to God, the Divine plan, Fate, however you'd choose to call it. See him stepping off a cliff, see him stepping off the edge of the roof, eyes Up There. Somehow, you just feel he knows there'll be something or Someone to break his fall and lead him to better things.
In my heart, I hope that Erica had passed away happy, having all her beautiful dreams come true in the short precious time she had spent dallying with us. I couldn't help asking my tarot deck the question and doing a reading in her memory.
Six of cups.
six of wands.
Queen of wands.
I know she's happy.
Thank you for staying with us for so long, Erica. Be happy, wherever you are. You will be dearly missed.
